In December of 1994, I received 6 shock treatments. Up until that time I had been on medication, and was actually improving, from what I’ve been told. I have no memory. But I have a few people in my life that were with me, that stayed with me, and told me that I was getting better.
They also told me they didn’t know why I was having shock treatments before I had it. I don’t remember that. That part of my memory is gone. I know that after the 6th shock treatment, something happened, I don’t know what happened in my head, but I knew I wanted to die. I wanted to drive off a cliff and just die (crying). My family was gone, I didn’t know why. My daughter, when I woke up on the 20th of December had been a runaway for 5 months, and I didn’t even know it anymore. My ability to focus on things, I have a real difficult, focusing on things, and you’ll have to forgive me, because my memory is gone. I had an MRI (brain scan) done on January the 14th that shows recent, I now have seizure activity in the brain, and the medication they need to give me, they can’t because of seizure activity. I don’t have a chronological memory at all. I remember what I say, but I don’t remember when I say it anymore. It’s not OK. I’m trying to raise a 14 year old daughter that has problems of her own, and it’s a real mixed mess, because it’s caused some real problems. Because one day I’ll say something, and not remember, and the next day, you know, I’ll say something else. It’s been extremely difficult, and I’m extremely angry that this was allowed to continue. I don’t understand how people can do this. They are damaging the brain. One of my doctors has told me that I have had a brain injury. And I will get better to a degree within 6 months, but that after that that’s about as good as I can expect it to be. They need to stop it.


They can’t give me back my life, they can’t give me back my memory.